The "I" Blog

I stole this from another blog site and thought I'd give it a whirl....

I....

i am not: very good at taking compliments
i am: usually a very happy person
i hurt: alot, mostly physically due to low pain threshold
i love: to be loved
i fear: not being loved in return
i hear: music everywhere
i regret: that I really have no regrets
i cry: at movies and books, a lot
i care: about my friends and family, deeply
i always: enjoy a good book
i long to: ask someone out for a drink
i wish: someone would ask me out for a drink
i sing: all the time, as loud as I possibly can
i dance: like Gumby, or so I have been told, and quite often like no one is watching
i write: in two blogs a day when I remember
i search: Google for everything I need to know
i learn: something new everyday
i feel: comfy on my big leather couch
i hate: my boss although hate is a strong word
i say: a lot of cuss words, and I like that
i succeed: at making friends easily
i fail: at turning those friends into lasting relationships
i dream: every night, but I dont always remember them
i sleep: very lightly, and often on the couch
i wonder: if I'll ever get rid of this horrible teenage crush
i want: to feel this wonderful forever
i worry: that someone in this blog will read about themselves and then I'll have to explain
i give: to the Toronto Humane Society :)

6 Days And Counting

Speaking of 6 Days, that was a pretty good book by Brendan DuBois that I had read earlier this year. Richard had read it first, and plonked it down on my belly when he was finished with it, telling me I HAD to read it. Not bad, and there are a few others written by him that I need to read as well that Richard tore through.

Anyway, I have 6 days before I go back to work. Normally I would be sating that it really isn't much time left, and how could the days go by so fast. *sigh* I really don't know what my problem is in dealing with reality these days. Don't I come rushing on the internet firt thing when I get up this morning to see if I have any e-mail? I'm sure someone has more important things to do then send one to me. It's not like he can call me up right now and tell me he wants to go for a smoke, is it?

I'm so frustrated, I should get off here.

A Week To Go

I think the worst part about their being a week to go is that today is kind of a holiday (more like a bank holiday) and I know that some people aren't at work. Me, for one. And Mikey, I think, since he hasn't called me back yet. And definately TB who is either recovering from a hang-over or is still drunk. Take your pick :)

I am officially obsessed. I check my mail many times a day, but wonder why. It's not like all of a sudden someone is going to start sending e-mail out of the blue. But the hope is still there. It's enough to drive a crazy woman sane!

I got a comment on my post! Would you believe it? A random blogger when they clicked on next blog. :) That made my day, anyway.

I finished reading Hunger Point by Jillian Medoff and it made me a cry. A number of times. I liked the ending but really wanted to read more about Frannie and Charlie. It was actually a much better book than I thought it was originally going to be. Up next is Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes. Not sure how I like it so far as everyone is so damn superficial.

Gotta go take a shower so I don't become a complete slob on my week off. Perhaps I'll write more (even though I think I have less tell) later.

Jenn :)

Sunday Night

I forgot to tell you something. You know my paranoia over whether someone could find this blog if they searched? Well, on google, they can't. And I'm thinking the chances of hitting the right blog site and clicking on next blog to find this exact one would be remote as hell. So, I guess I'm back to where I was. Writing whatever the hell I feel like :)

Saw Borat today....and it was awesome! I'll have to call Mikey tomorrow (if he's even in) and see what he thought now that he can speak openly about it. The things that were in that movie I never would have guessed would have been there! But my stomach still hurts from laughing and I have a slight headache from it too :) Actually, I like the stomach aching part. Reminds me a lot of some of our laugh sessions that we have while having a smoke at work. And again, my mind wanders to TB. Will I foget what he looks like by the time I go back to work? Not if I go and look at the pics of him in the suit he sent me :) Can you say, drool city? Although he looks kind of serous in them and I much prefer him smiling.

Oh well, back to my book since the LiveUpdate has finished on this laptop.
Smooches!
Jenn :)

Eight Days

So I guess I'm into a countdown. How silly! And I'm trying to figure out which day would be best to go see Mum. I'm thinking Wednesday cos then I don't have to stay the night as I am driving Richard to work on Thursday at Sobeco. It's funny because I was going to go on Monday to get it over with, and now I can't remember why I've changed my mind. Can't go Tuesday cos it'll be TB's first day back at the office. And I sent him an e-mail from home that I am wondering if he'll answer. Okay, I guess the real word is hoping that he'll answer so I'll have something/someone to keep me mildly entertained.

We are going to try and and go see Borat today so I that I can talk to Mikey and crew about it at work. In fact, I promised Mike I'd call him from home just so that he has someone to talk to about it :)

Anywho, finished Bad Boys Next Exit and Talking To Addison and have movd on to Hunger Point by Jillian Medoff only I may put this aside and read something either funnier or sick shit.

Jenn :)

Can't Remember

I wish I could remember. I wish I knew what I feel asleep to last night. I know I grabbed my Zen, and now the batteries are drained. But I wish I could remember my dreams. I do recall the last person I was thinking of before I fell asleep. Laughing and smiling. I hope my dreams were good :)

We watched Cars last night. And someone, who shall remain nameless, fell asleep before the end. Right at the most important parts. What a pain in the ass. But atleat he wasn't snoring this time. Nope, the snores were all saved up for when we went to bed. Atleast, he got to go to bed....I got to go to couch and am I ever worse for wear because of that today. My neck hurts, my back hurts and for some odd reason my thigh hurts. All muscle pain.

Ah well. I'm off to take a shower cos maybe it will make myself feel better. 9 more days! I don't know if I'll be able to stand it.

Jenn :)

A Few More Thoughts

Having just re-read my blogs over the past few days (well, really from the beginning of the TB sightings) I came up with a few more things I wanted to add. I didn't feel like editing the original post and making it even longer, so what's the harm in adding a new blog?

I had to call TB at about 130 cos I had a bit of a problem. I culdn't figure out how to erase a validation once you had created one. Rosh showed me the long way but I wanted to know if there was a shirt cut. So how does he answer the phone? "What did you do now?" with a slight sexy sneer by the sound of it! I couldn't help but burst out laughing and saying I wasn't really that blonde. The outcome: his idea to just delete it in the field didn't work! LMAO Okay, so I guess he's not quite the absolute guru that I thought, but he is allowed to not know something. :)

When Santino came in today, I had to show him the picture of the apples. He thought it was hilarious. So when TB came upstairs to help with the break file, Santino grabs Tal's apple from her desk, holds it over the cubicle, and says: "Lookit Tal's big apple!" Instant hysteria. I love it cos no one even knows why it's so Goddamn funny.

Do you think there is anyway to find this blog if you are looking for it without actually knowing if it exists? That's another one of my paranoias. What if TB goes searching and stumbles across it? I'll have to go looking through google and see what I come up with. If it's too easy to find I may have to turn this into a private one, just so I can keep my thoughts and senses straight.

I also love it that my MP3 seems to be playing the music at just the right time. Pantera on Seek And Destroy when TB asked. He seemed pleased, and I adore the music. I'd forgotten how powerful music can be. And quite frankly I think I've missed it. (Even if Mike does blurt out I had a Backstreet Boy song on there too, trying to kill my reputation! Retribution though cos I made TB tell about the Jessica Simpson concert he took his ex-girlfriend to. That would have been a hoot to see seeing as how it would have been one rocker with a bunch of teenage idiots.)

Enough for now.
Jenn :)

Nine Days

That would be the amount of days I now have togo before I head back to work. Normally I'd be excited and I guess a part of me still is. But now that I have a reason to enjoy going to work, taking a week off kind of sucks. Not even sure what I plan to do yet, although Mum wants me to come see them so I guess I'll be spending atleast a day in Shwa. But I definately made a wee bit of headway again today. Although as we all know it will get me nowhere, it's still nice to know I still have the touch :)

TB tells me today that he got my pleading e-mail yesterday but figured it was too late to do anything and deleted it. Of course, I felt like a right arsehole as I WAS really desperate to have someone help me and God only knows why I chose to send my request to him!. Anyway, I kind of fluffed it off and that seemed good enough for him. I also asked him today what he was going to do without me there to take him for smokes. I loved his answer: "Where do you live again?" :) Still, makes me wonder what will go on in my abscence. Do I make bets that he'll still come upstairs to harrass the folks? I mean, afterall, he did leave Roshini a love note today. Made me piss myself thinking of how her brain would twist that secret admirer shit into little knots! Unfortunately, our faces gave us away when we came back and she knew we were the guilty parties.

So I finished the stupid break file today. TB came and helped me with the drop down menus and I was pretty impressed on how easy it was. Just frickin' time consuming. But it also gave me an excuse not to have to do much else either. But a part of me still freaked out while keying these things in. What if something happened to the file? What if I fucked it up so bad that I couldn't fix it? And doesn't that just end up blurting out of my mouth?? God, I hate when I start getting paranoid. I end up sounding like one of those chicks who tries to be helpless in front of men. Sometimes I make myself want to throw up. :( But, there was a good side to this anyway. I managed to get a certain someone's cell phone number! :D And, even a promise that he'd answer it if he saw me calling (since he usually ignores phone numbers from work.) Only later did I wonder if he'd answer it if I called from home or my cell. Specially since he wouldn't recognize the number. Doesn't matter though, since I doubt I'll call. Although I did bring it home along with a few other work numbers in case I get bored and feel like harrassing a few people at work. Besides, I promised Mike that if I saw Borat I would call him so we could laugh about it.

I ended up in tears outside while smoking with TB and Aaron. I think the three of us are a bad combination. One of our HR guys told us at one point that we really should be happier at work. Ricght in the middle of our hysterics! Ah, I live for those minutes when it's smoke time. I love it when the phone rings and an eight letter name pops up.

I have to quit this though. It can't be healthy. And I'm supposed to be happy in my home. It would never work out, and one-sided crushes usually suck the big one. But, it's just that I love his laugh, his dress style (cept those hockey jerseys, ugh!), the way he looks at you when you talk, the way he fills those jeans.....SHIT! Why couldn't he be just a bit less attentive? A bit less attractive? Well, shit, that would just make it easy, wouldn't it? Anyway, maybe I'll get him out of my system somewhat over the next nine days. But I have to wonder, do I really want that?

Must finish Bad Boys Next Exit and find some sick shit, cos this damn chic lit does not help!

Jenn :)

Progressing

Things at work are definately progressing quickly. Again, like yesterday, I had these urges to write down tidbits that could be used here tonight. So let's pull the old piece of paper out of my pocket and see what they were, shall we? "Doesn't TB tell me today that he sent me an e-mail to my home address? Maybe I am winning the war!" And another doozy such as: "So someone got all excited about sending an email here at work. And wouldn't you know it doesn't show up? But when it does...it's a huge bowl of apples!" I have to say that I absolutely love inside jokes. Even when no one including the participants really know what it means :) What a shame it didn't show up when it was supposed to though. I think someone was expecting a rather large laugh.

Today's gonna be all about TB, cos quite frankly there is nothing else worthwhile to write about. I know have in my possession all of his e-mail addresses. Holyshit, Batman, could you possibly have any more? Alas, he explained the use of all of them, and I guess it makes sense. He even told me which one goes to his Palm, fer crissakes! He's a trusting fellow, that's for sure. Now I just have to fight my sudden urges to mail him crap that he surely would NOT want.

I know realistically that there is zero chance of anything ever coming of this crush of mine. But it is a lot of fun in the meantime. I like making other people jealous, and I actually think he's a pretty cool individual. I'm still hoping for that beer at some point, and I guess it may happen. But tomorrow's a big day! (He even told me today to come work in CSO today when I said I brought my laptop to escape if I needed to.) Tomorrow we sit and work the damn break file. And, I ask if he'll miss me when I'm on vacation. Only because I love putting people on the spot and this would be a great one!

Anyway, enough of that talk. Time to get back to: Bad Boys Next Exit (more crappy chic lit that manages to make me smile these days.)

Jenn :)

Forgot One Thing

So doesn't TB ask me on the phone if I thought I would laugh over the picture he sent. Atleast he hoped I would laugh or he'd be embarrassed. Perfect timing actually, cos then I got to ask about the friggin' CD! I said: "Speaking of being embarrassed, did you listen to the CD yet?" His response? "Why would you be embarassed?" and I just told him it was the same reason as his. Of course, then he said he kept forgetting it on his desk....like his cellphone yesterday that he had to go back and get.

Oh right, one more quickie....Mike killed his MA at work today and I almost pissed myself when he came over to show me his great big blue circle on his lovely glowing white shirt :D I even took a picture of it on my phone :)

I Started It At Work

Don't you just hate it when those creative juices starting flowing and there is absolutely fuck-all you can do about it? That was me. Today. At work. Early this morning I just wanted to write. For days. With lots and lots of words. But I couldn't. Why? A) I was at work. B) I had work to do since I was at work. C) I'm not really sure I want anyone I know to see this blog. It's kind of personal donchya know?

So what did I write instead? Very little....and here it is: "I love his jeans...I love his ass in those jeans. And that laugh...good lord." Short, but sweet I think. I guess I was aiming for a little remebrance by the time I got home of what exactly his ass looked like in them thar jeans! God, what a sight. (So much for a receding crush, huh?) The pockets on his butt were all worn away at the edges and a very large piece of me wanted to run my fingers along just to see how soft it really was :) Alas, I wasn't that brave.....today anyway.

So what else happened today? I'll be off all week next week. Had to take those 5 days instead of carrying them over. So let's see what gets fucked up in my absence. Have to remember to ask TB if he'll miss me while I'm away :S Wanna bet he will, if not for a few ciggies and a ton of giggles. Today he had a much dreaded meeting with the queen of Canadian. When he was done he called me to tell me it really wasn't painful, and I just told him he was sucking up so he could put down what he did on his performance appraisal. He laughed and said yeah, that was true. So I pulled an ultimate girlie move and said: "So THAT's why you've agreed to help me at the drop of a hat. I get it. PMP time!" Would you believe the charming little bastard said that it wasn't the case and he would love to help me whenever??? Fuck, he makes the receding crush come back with a vengeance. Die Hard, eat your heart out! A little later we got talking about Christmas parties and how neither of us are going to either one, but people keep bugging us to go. We talked about his band and he said they may actually be playing sometime soon. Of course, I gushed and said I'd love to see them which is definately not a lie. However, like I said to him, I have no one in the world to go with. Nobody likes Death Metal. But, just maybe, I could convince Vikki to go just cos she might. Anyway, he said he'd definately let me know what's going on. And, as if I haven't said enough about TB today, I ended up getting his e-mail addy from home :) He sent me this really silly picture of a watermelon and some other fruit that was carved to look like a lady's face! (Do I ever feel like I'm freaking 16 again what with the "he said, she said" routine and the fucking crush.)

So, what else is new? Fuck all, actually. I was going to watch Cars but I guess I'll wait for Richard. I need to find a new book, as that Moose In Your Pocket was crap and is totally done now. Will it be more chic lit, or do I want some lovely gore??? From one extreme to the other, eh?

Anywho, I'm done for now. If I think of anything I'm sure I'll just drop another bloggie.
Jenn :)

Three In A Row

I think it must be an all-time favourite high score :) This will be my third blog in a row, and I'm mighty damn proud of it! Don't think I ever had this many in a row except for maybe on my way back from Regina on the bus. But that was purely because I was so friggin bored there was nothing else to do.

Not quite sure why I logged into you today though, as I really don't have a heck of a lot to tell you. Work sucked (what else is new?) and I had another stupid conference call where the admin rights were up for debated again. Okay, so maybe debate is not the right term. That guy was yelling again (I found out his name is Scott) and it's all pretty much a moot point anyway. The Gods have spoken and after Friday it's finito.Looks like they won't grant us access for an hour day so I kind of wonder if they realize just what exactly they have signed up for. Here's hoping we can sock it to em and just create extra work for them :)

Oh, I guess there was some major news on the work front. Colin got a new job, so we get to say bye-bye to our wonderful leader. He's going to be a VP in England! Taking the whole family with him as of December. Of course, no one really saw it coming and so there's been nothing prepared as far as a replacement goes. Which means our fuck-wit of a TL will be even more lost and a bigger pain in the ass. Apparently there is no strong internal candidate, so atleast it looks like we won't be stuck with one of the existing Directors, but the fear is there none-the-less. I'm truly happy for Colin but the selfish portions of me want to scream that it's so not fair. But then again, life is never fair, is it?

On an up note, Vikki gave out MA's at work today. Marital Aids. :) Okay, so they are really just these latex toys with blue and silver liquidy stuff slushing around in them. What happens when you give out these stress reliever toys to a bunch of perverts? A lot! Well, more innuendos than anything else, but definately worth their weight in gold. I snafu'd one and gave it to TB during an early hour smoke break. What does he do with it? Shoves it in his pocket and makes me die laughing. Let me tell you, it certainly leaves an interesting shape behind! :D He must have called me atleast twice to tell me that he can't stop playing with it. Again with the damn innuendos. I tols him about the potential jobs available in our department and he seemed kind of interested. But something tells me he'd get mighty bored fast and his computer skills probably wouldn't get used to their full potential. Besides, the Gruppenfuhrer probably wouldn't want to hire him anyway. She'd be too jealous that he spends time with me. (Like another certain someone who shall remain nameless for the time being. That certain someone who thought she could embarass me by acting like a teenager and telling TB I had a crush on him. Turns out my only answer was the right one: Who doesn't?)

No word about the CD, so who knows what he thought and to be honest, I completely forgot to ask him today. We got talking about other things - mostly work related which really sucks - and got onto the topic of days off. Looks like he won't be working on Monday. I'm trying to see if I can have the day off, too, since the last thing I need is to earn another lieu day. Turns out after having two weeks off at Christmas I still have 10 days left over. Can't have that now, can we? Then again, when am I going to take them with this silly rollout looming over all of our heads?

It may seem like I am in a bad mood today, but this isn't so. I'm actually feeling okay, neither hear nor there. Waiting for my copy of Cars to make it home with Richard. Me thinks I won't be watching it this evening, but will definately be having a viewing tomorrow night :)

And last but not least - books: Still reading Is That A Moose In Your Pocket by Kim Green and I may finish it today. It's not the greatest chic lit I've read, but feel somewhat compelled to finish it anyway. Wonder why I am on such a chic lit kick lately? Quick reads I guess that really don't take any brain power.

Ciao for now!
Jenn :)

Working For A Dollar

Okay, so this will not be another blog about my feelings for Tattoo Boy. Although I will probably need to throw him a few lines just because he's my saviour :)

Today, some fucking idiot decides to screw up our major computer program at work. Not that it actually affected our particular portion, but the other centres are all up in arms over the fuck-up. Now normally, I wouldn't give a shit. We're okay, so what does it matter? Well, since it's the third major incident in a year, the head honchos in the States want to lock down the entire system. May not seem like a big deal to you, but this system is my baby. I've slaved over it since it's first blip over three years ago, and, quite frankly, I'm having a real hard time giving it up. I know, I know...it's always good to hand the reins over, especially since I've made it what it is today. But I sure as hell didn't want to do it this way. Maybe it's the control freak in me speaking, but dammit, I just want it left the way it is.

I always thought I'd end up handing over my responsibilities to someone else in my department, not relinquishing them back to the makers who be. I was stunned on the conference call. I'm not the only one who feels this way, as some guy who's name I can't remember ended up yelling on the call. Now when I say yelling, I certainly don't mean voice raising. I mean pure, unadulterated screaming! This is definately not something I am used to. Most times we all act like professional adults. Apparently someone forgot to eat their Wheaties today or forgot to remind Jimbo that we were playing at being grown-ups still. Yet some parts of me agreed with him 100%, even if his methods left a little to be desired. So, in a nutshell, all hope is lost. The decision has been made by the head cheese and I just have to sit and wait for Friday to come along to see the outcome. (Even after typing the ridiculous e-mail stating why I should get to keep my present reins of authority and feeling like big fat knob who is begging for her job. Which, by the way, isn't even the case.)

Anyway, about 2 seconds before this dreadful call is over, guess who's name pops up on my phone? Great timing, as always, as I disconnect the call and beg him to come upstairs. Not that there was a lot of begging needed. I just need to make sure that everytime TB comes upstairs to visit and drag me off for a ciggie, that I'm not about ready to pound someone or something. May make a bad impression :) Okay, really what I am thinking is that he may believe me to be a boring twat who does nothing but bitch, whine and moan. I'm quite sure he has enough of that with the minors he hangs with on a weekend. (Which would include the wee 18-year-old that passed out after too much booze, hit her face on the bumper of a car on the way down, and now needs an awesome dentist to fix three of those beautiful pearly whites.) Have to tell you though, I was about this close to asking him if he wanted to go for a beer after work. I can't quite tell you why this seems so important to me. Almost like a conquest or something. Guess I came to my senses before I decided to do something so silly. But hey! if I keep having these thoughts then sooner or later my lips will start flapping and those words will definately be airborn.

Well, looks like I did exactly what I said I wasn't going to do. Blab, blab, blab, fantasize, etc. It's a good thing I don't get this glazed look on my face at work. Or maybe more appropriately I should say I don't get this glazed look on my face at work anymore. On the other hand, maybe I should ask a few close mates around me if the glow has disappeared yet, or if I still look like I should be wearing a bib to catch all the fast falling drool. One question I do have though....why did I fell like such a teenager handing over that krell CD today? I kept asking myself whether I thought TB would like it....or whether I was trying too hard....or whether it was the right type of music? Even tonight, long after work is done and people have gone home, I keep asking those same questions. Why do I seek his approval? Why should it matter? And here I am, believing in the misnomer that this crush is receding. Ah, hell, if he doesn't like it, too damn bad! (But a tiny piece of me still wants the damn approval!)

Bedtime for me very shortly, with a hope for sweet dreams. Maybe reading some of these trashy chic lit books will help. Or worse still, they'll make me want for what I don't have! Finished reading: Monkey Business by Sarah Mlynowski, Looking For Mr. Goodfrog by Laurie Graff, Spin Doctor by Leslie Carrol and Man On Platform Five by Robert Llewellyn.
Presently reading: Is That A Moose In Your Pocket by Kim Green and The Piper's Son by Bruce Chandler Fergusson (cos I need some sick shit in my life too!)

The Crush Recedes

So, now that it's been a few weeks, the crush seems to be receding. Although, he still makes my heart do little flip flops when I see him, still rush to answer the phone when he calls (alas, it's only at work!), and open up his e-mails before I touch anything even work related.

How did I come somewhat to my senses? I've figured out his type. Well, actually, that's a big fat lie. He's pretty much told me his type. He likes them young. And when I say young, I mean 18 or 19. Which, when you look at his lifestyle outside of work, pretty much sums it up. He still lives at home, has his dad cook his meals, has his mom dye his hair, still borrows Daddy's car (although he bought himself a 2007 Caliber- sweeeeeet!), and drinks almost every night. In uncertain words, he's still a boy.

But what a boy! He's good-looking and quite frankly has no clue. And sweet, too! Here's my sickening story that will make you want to puke. Last week we were discussing some of the cover tunes we have heard. Most of mine I have stumbled across lately on limewire, but he's probably been listening to his for years. I talked about Luther Wright and The Wrongs who covered Pink Floyd's The Wall (which I still haven't found as I need to burn him a copy) and he was talking about this death metal group called Six Feet Under who covered ACDC's stuff. I thought it sounded pretty cool and told him such. So what does he do? He goes home at lunch and burns me a copy! Ya gotta admit, most people just forget conversations as soon as they are finished and never remember that kind of specific thing. Like me. I forget half my promises. Anyway, I almost shed a tear since it was one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me in a long time. And yes, the CD does rock and makes me giggle in places too.

So, didn't I also just think he'd up and disappear once the project was completed? The day of the big presentation, he followed me everywhere. Oh how I loved it! And how adorable he looked with the big ole red face when presenting to the big wigs. Anywho, everyday he still calls or sends e-mails and we smoke together atleast once a day. Once this crush is completely gone, he'll make a pretty cool buddy. In the meantime, I'll just keep looking into those eyes and smiling like an idiot.

Besides, it would never work out. Honest. Okay, maybe just one beer.